today is my last day living and working where I have lived and worked for the past three years
I’m eager to put my apartment behind me, eager to move into a space where I will be more comfortable, as I have mentioned plenty of times recently, but I also want to be careful that I don’t look back at this time as all negative. It became a prison, but that’s not how it started.
It started as an empty box. It started with my marriage being in limbo. When I moved here I was moving out of my parent’s house for the second time. The first time was when I was 21, just a few weeks before getting married to my high school sweet heart and best friend. I moved back in on Saturday, January 9th, 2021 as I was no longer welcome in my home with my wife and son, my marriage crumbling before my eyes.
I lived with my parents until May 31, 2021, moving into this apartment on June 1, 2021, very unsure of the future. Still separated from my wife, still unwelcome, but I could not live with my parents for any longer than what I did. I am grateful to them for letting me crash land there for a bit, but I had to move on (again).
When I moved into the apartment I had three bags to myself with all of my clothes and personal stuff. I had my computer and work things. I had a few leather tools. I did not have a bed, a couch, anything to cook with, etc. I was starting over. From scratch, from the absolute ground floor. And so I began acquiring things. Which meant looking at things and thinking: do I like this? Previously all of that was handled by my wife, now I had the opportunity to define my own personal taste in things. Over time I gathered up all of the furniture for a basic living, basic kitchen things, and a proper workbench for my leather hobby. I also had a desk for the IT consulting stuff and for building out my leather website as my desire grew to turn that into a source of income.
I also acquired an entirely new wardrobe. The clothes I did have were from my previous life, when I had a family, when I was with them, and they carried a lot of those memories...and so they had to go. They hurt too much to wear them. I got rid of all my clothes from that period of my life and replaced everything. Another opportunity to define my own personal taste as previously my wife handled the clothing end of things.
Over the course of the next three years my apartment would go from a blank space to bursting at the seams, barely having space to eat or sleep, every square inch being consumed and utilized by my leather business. The walls began to close in on me, I had created a prison of work and there was no escape. My mental health began to suffer and is something I continue to battle today. Living with work for this long of a period, alone, is not sustainable. Life is about so much more.
The divorce was finalized in the fall of 2022, at which point I went all in on fully defining who I am as an individual, what I like, what I want my life to be like, and so on. Work that should have been done much earlier in my life, but it happened when it was supposed to. All things have their time and there is not much we can do to control that.
Moving out of this apartment is really closing one chapter and starting a new chapter. A chapter that will improve on many areas of my life so that I can be the best dad possible, the best friend possible, the best [insert relationship here (son, brother, etc)] possible. Having separation from work and personal living is going to be a huge part of this: boundaries. So much about this move is the desire to create a home again.
I did a lot of growing here, in this apartment, but now it is time to move on and move into the next chapter of my life.
Today I will finish working on a few leather projects and then will begin the process of the final packing of boxes, taking my workbenches apart, and so on. I’ll sleep here tonight, for the last time. Tomorrow is moving day 1, sleeping at the townhouse tomorrow night, and then Saturday is moving day 2 (hopefully getting the last of everything). And then...continue to grow from there.
Have a great Thursday!
~ Aaron
Grateful log for Thu, 16 May 2024
- Full sun and blue sky at the moment!
- Tonight will be my last night sleeping in the apartment!
- Last bit of work for the week, and I get to make something special :-)